I HATE the Mall!!!! Ughhh!!

So, as a general rule, I do no frequent the mall......anywhere. I'm quite happy with my usual stops to the grocery store and occasional Target or local Co-op. I despise the mall. It is interesting because about 6 or 7 years ago it was my favorite place to be. This was back when I had hours to stroll around and I didn't have money to spend, but I bought everything anyway. Victoria's Secret, Bath and Body Works and Old Navy were some of the list toppers.

This past week, Tuesday, I ventured out on a "Mommy's Day". My mission was to find a multipack of black cotton thongs. Women will know exactly why I was in search of BLACK cotton thongs and why I need about 5-7 of them. The last time I bought any underwear was years ago. All that shopping I did at the mall so long ago left me with an underwear collection large enough to put off laundry for about 2 months and that is a LOT of underwear.

My first stop, Kohl's. I've grown fond of Kohl's recently only because their kids' clothes brand (Jumping Beans) are extremely inexpensive and very, very cute. But, I digress. Kohl's has tons of everything I don't specifically need. On to Target......NOPE not what I want. I am noticing at all these places I've stopped that the individual cotton thongs are priced about the same no matter where you go. And, so I'm thinking why not go to Victoria's Secret and just get what you know you want and will fit comfortably.  I WILL TELL YOU WHY!!

The Mall is a terrible, awful, horrible place. It's meant for people who have lots of money (or debt and credit cards) and lots and lots of TIME. I am neither and none of those people. I don't enjoy a single thing in the mall or in the food court except the occasional TCBY's White Chocolate Mousse.

I got what I wanted and VS did not let me down.Upon leaving the store I noticed a very strong (and may I say very skanky) perfume scent that seemed to be radiating from ....ME!?!?! Ahhh....yes, they've doused the tissue paper in my VS bag with there newest mating fragrance. Wow, I've been away so long.

I managed to make it out of the mall alive. I did, however almost get talked into buying a nail buffer kit from the Seacret of the Dead Sea lady. OMG.....a totally different day I'll tell that story. I was just happy that I would not have to go back to that mall again in the foreseeable future.

That is until today. My Mother-in-law calls us to meet at TJ Maxx before we go out to eat with relatives in town for the evening. How fun. I love going out to eat. At TJ Maxx, it's decided that we are heading over to meet at the MALL in the food court. OKAY. We meet, sit down and all go our seperate ways to gather food and then reconvene. I set my keys on the table with Jack's sippy cup and start to get out his dinner.Well, dinner is fine. Jack gets his veggie, chicken mush and applesauce, cookies and juice. I hold off eating there thinking there has got to be something better in my fridge at home than Chinese food, DQ or Pizza.

They all stand up and make plans to meet back in this same spot in an hour (My aunt Peg doesn't own a cell phone so they made plans old school style). Jack and I are headed home for a bath and snuggle time, plus dinner for me. As I am gathering my stuff I'm frantically looking for the keys. Where in the F#*$ are my keys?? I'm I so stupid that I can't keep track of them thru dinner? We look, and then someone makes the observation that the keys WERE on the table and when Peg got up to leave she MAY have put them in her pocket thinking they were hers. WHAT?!?!?! Really?!?! That just seems odd to me, but we'll go with it.

Well, that is, in fact, exactly what happened. We had her paged 2 times but it was really useless since the pages cannot be heard in the individual stores themselves.My Mother-in-Law, Jack (in his stroller THANK GOD!) and I walked around the mall aimlessly for an hour. I was like one of those high school kids with NOTHING better to do than wander.

It was EXASPERATING!

I watched my son's eyes turn into saucers as we passed the Victoria's Secret windows. He stared up at those giant boobs and said, "Bell Butt". "Yeah right hon, I know you are just checking out her belly button!"  and then he starts to pant,"Heeh Heh Heh". I am now very aware of these naked women that are like twice life sized. He's panting at the little pink polka dotted stuffed dog on display.I jokingly say to myself, "Yep, Boobs and dogs, man's best friends." I suddenly become aware of how much I am really uncomfortable with my son seeing such a spectacle  I'm very surprised that he didn't scream out "MILK MILK!!" Obscene!
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At the end of the hour I was hungry and tired. We made our way back to the food court for our hour later meeting. I had to chuckle to myself as we walked by the Seacret lady and she was totally selling someone that buffer set. The set I got close to being talked into paying $25 for a few days prior, just for that flipping awesome buffer. She smiles cuz she recognizes me and almost lunges toward me again. I look away and walk faster. Once we reunite with the Aunt who stole my keys I figure most of this night's ridiculousness could be erased if I could just get a TCBY cup to go and eat at home after my 9:00 dinner.

Do you think they had White Chocolate Mousse?? Really?? Okay, NO they didn't. And this, my friends, is why I hate the mall!