Search This Blog

Friday, October 29, 2010

Why can't I breathe?

Staying at my sister's house this past weekend, I encountered a "situation".

After playing with our sons outside on a bright beautiful afternoon we'd enjoyed some tasty lunch and were winding down for a nap. It was Saturday afternoon at about 1PM. We heard the doorbell and we all stopped. It was like that scene in "A Christmas Story" when they knock to deliver the PRIZE. We all just looked at each other and stood perfectly still. I asked her "Do you want me to see who is there?". She motioned me over and whispered, "Just wait. We've had tons of kids in the neighborhood selling stuff lately and we've bought so much crap."

I crept toward the front door peering thru the glass panel just enough to catch a glimpse of a car. A FREAKING POLICE CAR. 

My entire body went numb. I gasped a bit to catch my breath and then I squeaked out......... "It's a cop car".

Everything slowed down.
She handed me her 3 month old son.

I looked down and him but was just aware enough of his precious little life that I made sure to hold him tight.
I had to sit down.
My mother shooed the kids from the door and tried to distract them from the commotion.
I felt like I could puke. My body shook.
She hadn't even opened the door.
As the glass pane of the storm door opened and the reflection of the officer shown clear as a bell she began to speak.

I didn't hear anything. My mind was speaking.
"This is how it happens" it said
"This is just how everything in your entire life changes"
He's gone
I began to weep and shake.
My mother came to me and said, "It's not anything. It's okay. Some sort of traffic citation or something"

I tried to tell this to my body. I tried to make it stop but I was sobbing even harder.

THIS........RIGHT what I had been prepared for (but dreading) the entire 15 months I was alone in that house. Pregnant, waking, reeling in pain, crying, waiting, passing time.

I had just forgotten it was a possibility until that moment.

He was safe. Life was preserved and yet the tears continued to stream.

I love my husband. God forbid there is ever a day that I should loose him.

Dear police officer:

Please call me if you have a question or would like to speak to me about something.

Unless someone is dead, do not come to my door. You have no idea what that means in my mind.


The wife of a soldier.

Mama's Losin' It

Writing prompt from Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop

"When you feared for a loved one's safety."


  1. Oh my. There are no words. Thank you for all you do, as well as your husband!

  2. Wow, First, I am so glad that it turned out ok! Second, this made me cry too. I can't imagine those few moments. It just makes you wanna slap that man silly!

    Well done on the writing prompt... thanks for sharing a very intimate moment. And thank your husband for me for all he does for our freedom.

  3. Wow - this was incredibly powerful. Thank GOD he was okay.

    I have had a few moments like this - you said it so elloquently with..."I had just forgotten it was a possibility until that moment."

    just beautiful writing!

    Thank you to you and your husband for everything you both do for our country.