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Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The time I made home improvements

During college I had been living in one of those old row houses like Archie Bunker lived in. There was a very low pile carpet on the 15 super steep steps all the way to the top, but the same carpet that was in the hallway upstairs, wrapped under the top step instead of being a part of the "stair strip". Anyway, that top flap of carpet was loose and had been flapping and catching on my foot every time I climbed the stairs. I had tripped on it more than a dozen times since we moved in and one of those times I just happened to be carrying my new imac (As in, ALL IN ONE, HEAVY AS CRAP, MOSTLY MONITOR.

My roommate borrowed a staple gun and said he would fix the stairs. I didn't really know when that would end up being and I got really sick of waiting. So, after a week of looking at the stupid stapler in the kitchen, I decided that I'd just fix the thing myself. I'm actually pretty handy. Most of the time I'd be able to handle a job like this no problem.

This particular staple gun was a newer model. Not like my Dad's old trusty rusty. I was poised at the top of the staircase. Please try to imagine.I'm holding the loose carpet down to the underside of the step with my thumb and middle finger of my left hand. My left knee is resting on the lower step. I'm holding the staple gun upside down to get the staple to go up into the step and hold the carpet. So, my right hand is twisted down around the underside of the step all ready to pull the trigger.

I must mention,here, that my father's staple gun always made staples exit from the blunt end (at least that's how I remember it) I ,of course have the blunt end facing up under the step. Then, I'm thinking to myself that I need a little leverage, some counter pressure on the stapler so it doesn't just go flying when I fire.

I brace the other end of the staple gun with my right knee, aim and fire. Whoa Damn,that thing has got a kick like a shot gun. I am pretty impressed with myself. I move my hand down about 2-3 inches to secure the next section of carpet when I start to feel a HEAT in my kneecap. It's the strangest sensation. I look down at my bare knee (I was wearing shorts) and there is a staple just fixed right in it. And when I saw it I got a little shaky but pulled it out right away. It kind of just looked like a little snake bite for about a week. Two little puncture wounds.

Quite obviously the staples come out "not the blunt end" of this stapler. Whoops.

Tomorrow; The time somebody stole my favorite black strappy dress and phone at Rum Bay

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